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Vanity Fair Officially Declares "Only Lovers Left Alive" As Infinitely Cooler Than "Twatlight"

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Vampires have never appeared as cool, cultured, or frankly, human, as they do in Jim Jarmusch’s romantic-comedy drama Only Lovers Left Alive, which screened on Thursday at the Toronto International Film Festival. Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton star as Adam and Eve, a pair of sophisticated, centuries-old blood suckers who would put any of your mainstream vamps to shame during a round of Double Jeopardy—not just because of their intellects (no offense, Edward) but because they’ve interacted with history’s greats and live to tell the tales, such as how Adam, a musician, once gave Schubert a String Quartet. In one of many self-consciously clever lines in the film, Eve blames the modern-day stigma against vampires on “Shelly, Byron, and those French assholes I used to hang around with.


Early on, it’s clear that Adam and Eve are gentleman and gentlewoman vampires—the kind who go to the trouble of impersonating surgeons to procure blood instead of gauchely gnawing on people’s necks. (They even drink it out of long-stemmed chalices.) Hipper than their human counterparts, they drive around in vintage cars, lay about in antique silk kimonos, collect rare electric guitars, and play the best blues on vinyl. They’re also in tune enough to be aware of modern-day pop culture; in one scene, for instance, Adam impresses Eve by pointing out Jack White’s childhood home during a car drive.

Like Jim Jarmusch’s other indie films—Broken Flowers and Mystery Train among them—Only Lovers Left Alive chronicles two loners as they meditate and marinate in their own character development rather than hurried plot points. Adam and Eve happen to be married loners, and when the film picks up, the pair are living on different continents. Eve is in Morocco, where she goes on slow-motion midnight strolls to fetch more blood. (While these sequences could seem self-indulgent if filmed by another director, or if they featured another actress, it’s fascinating to watch Swinton sway in all of her chic etherealness.) Meanwhile, Adam, depressed by the idiocy of the “zombie” humans around him, has moved to a city that seems to have been abandoned by humans altogether: Detroit. He spends his afternoons languishing in the isolation of his windows-drawn existence, until Eve, on an iPhone video chat, decides to pack up her favorite books (The Infinite Jest, Don Quixote) and fly to Detroit (night flights only, please) to once again revive Adam’s spirit.

In one especially comedic interlude, Eve’s drifter sister, Ava (Mia Wasikowska), whom Adam despises, turns up for an unwelcome visit and annoys the living nightlights out of him. After disclosing that she has taken up permanent residence in Los Angeles, Adam rolls his eyes and deadpans, “Oh great, zombie central.” With Ava eventually out of the house, though, he and Eve can carry on their everlasting journey together. There’s no finale or climax to the film, but Jarmusch’s meandering and refreshingly original take on vampires in the post-Twilight era is satisfying enough.


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Vanity Fair did not lie whatsoever. OLLA's Hiddleswinton >>>>> Twatlight's Pattinstewart. Any other arguments you will form against this is heretofore invalid, so don't even fucking try.

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