ONTD ORIGINAL:
FIFTY SHADES OF FUCKERY
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Since the Fifty Shades Trilogy has been deemed as an “ode to consent”, I thought I would highlight all the fuckery in these books and how it is the complete opposite. The trilogy has gone on to make $1 billion at the box office (vomit) because women have been sexually repressed and shamed for the longest so they naturally loved these books. Who doesn’t dream of marrying a billionaire with mommy issues that leaves ~love bites~ all over your body so you can’t wear revealing clothing?!
This will be a three part ONTD Original that is dedicated to every book in the trilogy.PART ONE: FIFTY SHADES OF GREYChapter OneAna comes across Christian after her friend Katherine comes down with an illness and can’t make it to her interview with the billionaire. Ana is a mousy and dull brunette (society hates us!) who apparently only has one sensible skirt she can wear. She also seems like a shitty friend because she’s bitching the entire time on her way there. Fast forward to her entering his office and seeing that every woman who works there basically looks like Tomi Lahren. She predictably falls into his office and is on her hands and knees when she first meets him.
Chapter TwoApparently a man stalking you at your workplace is seen as romantic? Christian shows up to Ana’s job at the hardware store. He *happens* to be in the area. Sure jan! He buys a bunch of rope and cable ties and makes awkward conversation with Ana and she’s super fucking into it. The youngest brother of the owner shows up to the store and is handsy as hell with Ana. Christian becomes a dick for a quick minute and becomes “cold and distant”.
Chapter FourAna goes out and gets drunk after being rejected by Christian and finishing her exams. She drunk dials Christian and he immediately comes to the bar to get her. He gets there by TRACKING HER CELL PHONE and witnesses Jose, who is a caricature of a Latin man, trying to force himself on Ana. She then proceeds to puke and this is what he has to say:
“I’m sorry,” I mutter, staring at the handkerchief which I am furiously worrying with my fingers. It’s so soft.
“What are you sorry for Anastasia?”
Oh crap, he wants his damned pound of flesh.
“The phone call mainly, being sick. Oh, the list is endless,” I murmur, feeling my skin coloring up. Please, please can I die now?
“We’ve all been here, perhaps not quite as dramatically as you,” he says dryly. “It’s about knowing your limits, Anastasia. I mean, I’m all for pushing limits, but really this is beyond the pale. Do you make a habit of this kind of behavior?”Chapter FiveAfter she faints at the club, Christian takes her back to his hotel room. Ana wakes up only to find herself in his bed. He gets all mad that she hasn’t ate and doesn't she know thats the number one rule of drinking?? Ana asks if he’s going to continue to scold her and he tells her she’s lucky that that's all he’s doing to her.
“Well, if you were mine, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday. You didn’t eat, you got drunk, you put yourself at risk.”This quote from the book actually sums up everything perfectly:
“Oh my – what would I do to be his? He’s the only man who has ever set my blood racing around my body. Yet, he’s so antagonizing too; he’s difficult, complicated, and confusing. One minute he rebuffs me, the next he sends me fourteen-thousand-dollar books, then he tracks me like a stalker.”He also forces her to eat as if she’s some toddler.
“Eat,” he says more sharply. “Anastasia, I have an issue with wasted food… eat.”
“I can’t eat all this.” I gape at what’s left on the table.
“Eat what’s on your plate. If you’d eaten properly yesterday, you wouldn’t be here, and I wouldn’t be declaring my hand so soon.” His mouth sets in a grim line. He looks angry.”I guess her biting her lips is a form of consent because while they’re in the elevator, he proceeds to pin her against the wall and kiss her.
“Oh, fuck the paperwork,” he growls. He lunges at me, pushing me against the wall of the elevator. Before I know it, he’s got both of my hands in one of his in a vice-like grip above my head, and he’s pinning me to the wall using his hips. Holy shit. His other hand grabs my ponytail and yanks down, bringing my face up, and his lips are on mine. It’s only just not painful. I moan into his mouth, giving his tongue an opening. He takes full advantage, his tongue expertly exploring my mouth. I have never been kissed like this.”
“He brings his hand up to grasp my chin and holds me in place. I am helpless, my hands pinned, my face held, and his hips restraining me. . I feel his erection against my belly. Oh my… He wants me. Christian Grey, Greek god, wants me, and I want him, here… now, in the elevator.”Chapter Seven:“What is the appropriate response to finding out a potential lover is a complete freaky sadist or masochist? Fear… yes… that seems to be the over-riding feeling. I recognize it now. But weirdly not of him – I don’t think he’d hurt me, well, not without my consent. So many questions cloud my mind.”
“I have rules, and I want you to comply with them. They are for your benefit and for my pleasure. If you follow these rules to my satisfaction, I shall reward you. If you don’t, I shall punish you, and you will learn,” he whispers. I glance at the rack of canes as he says this.”He basically gives her a list of rules to follow such as:
- She has to sleep a minimum of seven hours of sleep when she’s not with him.
- She has to eat regularly to maintain her “well being” from a list of foods in a fucking appendix. She can only snack on fruits in between. Can you fucking believe this shit has an appendix? He also sounds more like a fucking trainer than a Dominant.
- She can only wear clothing he approves of and he’ll provide a clothing budget for her.
- She has to work out four times a week in hour long sessions.
- She must be “clean” and shaved/waxed at all times. She must also go to a beauty salon of his choosing and do whatever he treatments he wants her to.
If she fails to comply with any of his bullshit, he shall punish the shit out of her.After this, he gives her his set of hard limits. He’s not into fire play, no acts of urination or defecation, children or animals, etc.. He asks her if there’s anything that she doesn’t like doing and she reveals that she’s a virgin.
Chapter EightChristian is pissed because how dare she not reveal that information to him! I mean she hardly knows him even though they’re discussing her possibly being his submissive. He just can’t believe that someone that beautiful is still a virgin. She starts biting her lip and he just has to take away her virginity. He wants to *rectify* the situation. After he makes that decision for her, he then actually considers asking if she even wanted to. They have sex and he becomes instantly possessive while claiming this:
“You are mine,” he whispers. “Only mine. Don’t forget it.” His voice is intoxicating, his words heady, seductive.Chapter NineAna’s subconscious comes out to play and basically shames her for having sex with someone who doesn’t love her.
“She’s staring at me with pursed lips, tapping her foot. So you’ve just slept with him, given him your virginity, a man who doesn’t love you. In fact, he has very odd ideas about you, wants to make you some sort of kinky sex slave. ARE YOU CRAZY? She’s shouting at me.”Her subconscious sounds like a real asshole and that’s tough given all the assholes we’ve already been introduced to in this series.
Ana also seems daunted by everything. She’s intimidated of him, Kate’s beauty, a fucking Mercedes, and even his kitchen. She’s actually hungry for once so she decides to make breakfast. Ana asks Christian how he likes his eggs and he replies:
“Thoroughly whisked and beaten”They have sex again and her hair is in pigtails. He makes a creepy remark about how “young” she looks with them.
Chapter TenAna and Christian go out to eat before he drops her off home. Christian orders her drink for her even though she wanted a Diet Coke. He replies that the wine would just be so much better with what he’s going to order for them. Christian also delves into who introduced him to the concept of BDSM and that it was one of his mothers friends. She “seduced” him when he was fifteen and he was her submissive for six years. As he’s revealing all of this to her, he again forces her to eat despite her not wanting to.
Chapter ThirteenAna and Christian go out to dinner to discuss the terms of their agreement and to “negotiate”. He doesn’t want her to masturbate on her own because he wants all of her “pleasure”.
“No. And I don’t want you touching yourself, either.”
What? Ah yes, the no masturbation clause.
“Out of curiosity… why?”
“Because I want all your pleasure,”One of the many fucked up things about this series is how he knows so much about her. He knows where she lives, works, and intimate details of her life. Yet she asks many questions and gets little response from him. She has an incredibly low self esteem and he’s there to take advantage of that. He claims ownership of her body and has even counted the amount of times she’s orgasmed so far.
Chapter SixteenChristian forces her to take a form of birth control because he hates wearing condoms. He awkwardly asks her when her period is due and tells her she needs to “sort out” contraception. He even arranges for his doctor to see her at his place though it ends up being an ob/gyn. Ana rolls her eyes at him and he starts to spank her even though she hasn’t signed the contract yet. She’s distraught after the incident and is emailing him back and forth. She complains to him that he never stays with her. Christian comes back to her apartment and gets into it with Kate. He goes to Ana’s room and while trying to comfort her, he turns it back on her. He blames her for being dishonest and that he can’t trust anything she’s told him. She doesn’t understand why he wants to punish her and he gives her some half ass response. Ana tells him that she felt confused and he determines that she was sexually aroused. Why ask her how she felt if you’re going to answer that question for her?
Chapter Nineteen/TwentyAna and Christian attend a Grey family dinner at their home. Ana gets the feeling that Christian only invited her because Kate was invited by Elliot. After it’s announced that Kate and Elliot are going to Barbados, Ana randomly announces that she is going to Georgia to see her mother. Christian is upset and he also finds out that Ana went to a bar with Jose. He’s also upset that Ana wouldn’t let him grope her while at the dinner table with his family.
“I’m mad because you never mentioned Georgia to me. I’m mad because you went drinking with that guy who tried to seduce you when you were drunk and who left you when you were ill with an almost complete stranger. What kind of friend does that? And I’m mad and aroused because you closed your legs on me.” His eyes glitter dangerously, and he’s slowly inching up the hem of my dress.
“I want you, and I want you now. And if you’re not going to let me spank you – which you deserve – I’m going to fuck you on the couch this minute, quickly, for my pleasure, not yours.”Even Kate tries to warn Ana about Christian’s controlling ways:
“He needs antagonizing, then you can see what he’s really like. Be careful, Ana – he’s so controlling,” she whispers. “See you later.”
I KNOW WHAT HE’S REALLY LIKE – YOU DON’T! – I scream at her in my head.
I’m fully aware that her actions come from a good place, but sometimes she just oversteps the mark, and right now so far that she’s into the neighboring state.”Christian and Ana discuss her going to Georgia on the way back from the dinner. He asks if he can come with her and she explicitly states that it isn’t a good idea and that she was hoping for a break from all of this. Ana tells Christian she still wants more from their relationship. He also drops this iconic line in this chapter as well:
“The woman who brought me into this world was a crack-whore, Anastasia. Go to sleep.”Chapter Twenty Two/Twenty ThreeAna finally goes to Georgia to get away from it all. Christian finds out what flight she’s on and upgrades her seat to first class. Once she’s in Georgia, she’s constantly emailing him. When she’s out with her mom at a bar, she finds out that Christian went to dinner with Elena aka Mrs. Robinson. She confronts him about it through email only to find out that he followed her to Georgia. She introduces him to her mother and he already knows her last name. They get into an argument after her mother goes to the bathroom. Christian leaves and Ana tries to fix the situation. They make up and proceed to have sex. She’s on her period and he actually pulls out her tampon.
“He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez.”Chapter Twenty SixChristian wants to spank Ana as punishment. Ana tells him that she doesn't like it just like he doesn't like to be touched. She asks him why he wants to hurt her and he’s scared to tell her due to her possible reaction. Ana wants him to show her how much it would hurt. He takes her to the room and proceeds to lash her six times with a belt. Ana starts to cry and after he’s done, she pushes him off of her. She doesn’t understand why he would ever want to do this to her. Ana comes to the realization that Christian is no good for her. Christian follows her and she apologizes for her outburst. He apologizes for hurting her and tells her she’s everything he wants. She tells him that she’s in love with him and he throws a tantrum. He tells her he can’t make her happy and they’ll never get past this. Ana leaves her car keys, laptop, and blackberry with him. She’s made the decision to leave his ass, for now, and seems to regret the decision as the book comes to an end.
source: Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James + my brain
