On tonight’s episode: Molly asks Luis to step up as a parent; Elizabeth and Andrei have new plans for the wedding; David won't talk about the wedding night with Evelyn; Nicole and Azan have a big decision to make; Josh and Aika argue about babies.
If this is your first time watching this show, enjoy with us. If you’re lost, revisit this long ass description I’m about to give to understand these couples.
Brunette Paula Deen and Great Value Pedro (Molly and Luis)
Molly, 41, is a lingerie boutique owner in Georgia who is with Luis, a bartender from the Dominican Republic. Molly has two daughters, Kensley and Olivia, who have made it clear they are not loving Luis and his behavior proves their instincts. He tries to usurp his position as their father while inquiring whether 17-year-old Olivia is just using her boyfriend to “f***” (his words, not mine). Molly’s father doesn’t seem to take a liking to Luis, however this edited to look as though he’s racist or he’s genuinely concerned. Either way, Molly’s brother Jess is just along for the ride.
Bahtman and Annie (David and Annie)
48-year-old broke, divorced and suspected deadbeat dad, David has lived in Thailand for about three years in order “to have some fun” (EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW) after going through a tumultuous split. He met 24-year-old Annie while in a karaoke bar. David is scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to finances, so much so that he’s constantly borrowing money from his longtime friend Chris. The issue? Annie’s family needs a dowry in order for the engagement to commence. They require 500,000 baht (15,000 USD) and two water buffaloes. Of course he can only afford to pay 50,000 baht because he’s a sugar-free sugar daddy. They eventually get engaged and arrive in Los Angeles to live with Chris, his wife and their two children. David constantly embarrasses Annie due to his drinking which leads to a chaotic dinner with Chris’s brother-in-law, Antonio (not airport-phobic model Antonio).
Christian Predator and Apple Connoisseur and Apple Connoisseur’s family (David and Evelyn and Evelyn’s family)
Please tell me Chris Hayes’s flight to New Hampshire is already scheduled because I am skeeved out by this couple (not as nearly as skeeved out as I am with Nikki and Mark). High school graduate Evelyn is pretentious, smug, stubborn teenager who makes Christian music with her family. She posted her music on Instagram and other things like teenagers do which caught the attention of 27-year-old Grenada resident David. He began chatting her up when she was only 15, but her parents were too busy to intercede because they were protesting gay people and obese people. But it’s not like that matters because they support this damn union. Watching them is incredibly uncomfortable with a lot of one-upping each other, not agreeing on anything and just being insufferable together. When the only person with some damn sense in Claremont, Mikayla, takes issue with David’s age, she’s immediately shut down with rude and snappy remarks from David and Evelyn. I can just envision the decades of love with these two and by love, I mean eternal passive-aggressiveness and general unpleasantness while chomping on apples.
“Midlife-Crisis” by Faith No More and Aika (Josh and Aika)
Josh is 43-year-old man with children that don’t speak to him and lives with roommates. He’s always wanted a “trophy wife” and dreamed of being the guy that landed the “hot cheerleader” in school (blech, grow up my guy). Aika a 36-year-old from the Philippines enters and Josh believes he found the woman that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Aika makes is clear that she would like to settle down with a stable career and have children. Josh seems to take umbrage with that because it’s up to him to reveal that’s he had a vasectomy, something he has never mentioned before. However, he wants to push her into modeling which leads to a very uncomfortable moment where she reads a script for a local commercial, but Aika rejects the modeling offer because she knows that she wants to settle down. Josh is the man who wants a trophy wife but is only deserving of a participation ribbon.
Bonus Fact: Josh gave Aika an engagement ring, but it is the ring that belonged to his second ex-wife.
Real Househusband of Moldova and Libby McGuire (Andrei and Elizabeth)
Elizabeth describes herself as rebellious (she just has money to travel that’s all) and met 31-year-old former club bouncer Andrei in Dublin. Honestly, there’s really nothing that great about them, it’s her family that is so irritating. Her sisters led by a Becky named Becky want to take Elizabeth out to a strip club which Elizabeth doesn’t like and Andrei doesn’t like either. She thinks she is to be submissive when she gets married which her friends and family oppose, however Andrei sees it as maturing and going to a club to get wild isn’t what they should be doing as a couple. Becky is really hell-bent on having balls fly at her sister’s face though
Danielle and Mohammed… sorry I meant Nicole and Azan
24-year-old Nicole is in Morocco once again to be with the luv of her life, 24-year-old vegetable obsessed Azan. This is her second season to appear and now she finally got her dad and stepmother to sponsor Azan for the K-1 visa because she doesn’t make enough money. They really only did this because Nicole threatened that if they didn’t, she would permanently move to Morocco with May. This time Nicole brought her young daughter, May with her and insists that May call Azan “daddy.” Nicole is experimenting to see whether Azan is going to make a good father. The family adores May and they loved Nicole until she brazenly asked Azan to ask his aunt if they could sleep in the same room. (That’s why his auntie cooked the sheep’s head for you, girl.) Unfortunately for Azan, if things don’t go Nicole’s way and she’s not given attention constantly, she physically lashes out at Azan.
This show has put me THROUGH it, y’all.
Note: The embedded tweet promotes the episode as being on 10/9CST when it's really 8/7CST. TLC done frauded us again!
Current Location: eating lechon at a water buffalo sales training convention in Claremont, NH
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